Something new

Something blue.

Ephesians 6:18-20

" ¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people.

¹⁹ Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will FEARLESSLY make known the mystery of the gospel, ²⁰ for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly as I should. "

I really love these lyrics.

"Something To Live For" By: The Rocket Summer

Once I was fearless, going up against the world
Optimistic, seeing all the reasons for
Got through the darkness, I could live through anything
Where, where did it go?

I wanna feel it, like I did back then, but more
I really need it, more than I've ever before
I believed it oh, oh
Where, where did it go?

So stop fearing death, I want something to live for
I’ve been holding my breath, I want something to live for
Cause when the deaf feel the sound, I want something to live for
I wanna make you proud, I want something to live for

Hey, how’s it going? Good, and how are you? Good.
Often do you wonder how much that isn’t true?
Will you help me out if you can
I’ll take you as you are, please just take me as I am

Stop fearing death, I want something to live for
I’ve been holding my breath, I want something to live for
Cause when the deaf feel the sound, I want something to live for
I wanna make you proud, I want something to live for

Idea of hope. I believe in you
And I need it now, God I need you
And yes your words, I believe are true
But sometimes I just fall down and break though I don't mean to

Stop feeling bad, never look back
I swear, I wish I could

Stop fearing death, want something to live for
I’ve been holding my breath, I want something to live for
Cause when the deaf feel the sound, I want something to live for
I wanna make you proud, I want something to live for

Stop fearing death I want something to live for (I want something to live for)
I’ve been holding my breath, I want something to live for (I want something to live for)
Cause when the deaf feel the sound, I want something to live for
I wanna make you proud, I want something to live for

time to shine.

My journey is being pushed into double-time.

I'm going through heavy changes and revelations faster as the days reach closer to my wedding day. The friendships I used to have with people are now turning into painful experiences. There is a simple truth about life: there is a place where you bleong and don't belong. I believe God has given us the clear ability to recognize our place at certain times. For me, I realize that I no longer belong among certain people and accepted that it's not my fault.

Some people refuse to see you for you. But at the same time, do you see yourself?

If you know people that constantly bring you down...make fun of you or other people..and you don't like it--let them go. You can be "friends" with people for years, but if your whole relationship is based on them making fun of you, what excites you and find ways to stop you from growing and being built up positively then step back and see that these people HATE their lives. And they want you to hate yours but don't. Your life is so important. You are so important. What you're going to do in life is so much more meaningful than what those people think. It's not your fault they're stale, but it will be your fault if you become stale like them.

Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

Are your friends dull and making you dull? Go find someone to sharpen you in your journey with God. Patiently wait for this blessing, it may take some time. Who knows? Maybe they need sharpening before they meet you, likewise. Work on yourself--find out who you are and what you can offer. But you're never going to find out if you remain with people who don't want you to know your own potential in a righteous light. Remember, if you've been saved the bible says to, "Stay true to what is right for the sake of your own salvation and the salvation of those who hear you."

Much of my pain in the past has been felt by those who tell me who I am isn't good enough. My identity means a lot to me and God. I don't have a lot of time to be me, so I respect who God wants me to be and I pursue this identity with intense diligence.

At the end of the day, ask yourself, "whos life are you living?" The answer should always be yours. It will be a shame to ask, "whos life are you throwing away?" and answer yours. You have nothing to prove, just live your life. Be you, not your mom, your dad, a lie, etc...


So I pray you find who you are in Christ Jesus. Be you throughout it all. I let go of a lot of things in my life that perverted my walk with Christ...so I'm going through a change and finding out who I am now. Still, I see that this is what it takes to reach my goal so I will run towards maturity and find out who I really am and how I can leave a positive impact on God's kingdom. It's hard because I've been and lived a certain way for so long. I've been recognized as a certain identity, but I have to say goodbye to the life and people who hold me back from who I am now and embrace the new life Jesus sets before me. He's preparing my future with his blessings...lining up good people and relationships to help me and his Kingdom to grow. I need to find people who accept me for who I am now in Christ. This is me and I'm never going back because I want to live for God knowing I was me, the real me the whole time. God bless you guys I hope this helped you.

In love and peace,
-C

Getting married.

As of April 13th 2010, I have been engaged to my fiance. :)

He's more than I could have ever thought God would bless me with. I am beyond grateful for this relationship. The Lord uses the both of us to teach each other things, remind each other of things, and allow us to let go of things throughout this relationship and it has made both of us stronger in our walk with Jesus Christ and in our love and friendship with each other.

Josh is an amazing man of God and my best friend.<3 So here I am, engaged and getting married in October. I don't know anything about throwing a wedding. Also, I've never been to one that I was old enough to remember. I've read some magazines and almost a thousand websites regarding weddings...and I still don't know how to organize one. Our budget is tight and don't have much of a vision for our wedding day. :\ Most girls dream about getting married and have a crystal clear image of how they want their wedding to look like. Me, I never even thought of the idea of getting married til last year! I'm a simple person and would have a backyard wedding with 10 people, but God has so much more in mind for us. To be honest, I don't know what I'm doing...Also, I've learned the average American spends about $20,000 on a wedding. Why do people spend so much just for one day? I wonder how much they've invested in the days after...how much love, how much honor they put in their vows after they've been said... It's pretty easy to get excited about amazing things God has planned out for you--but the most important thing to remember is to always HONOR JESUS first. Stay pure, always read your bible otherwise, you'll forget God's image in all of this excitement and ultimately enter a promise land without him. Also, it's very important you strengthen your faith by keeping your heart clean by reading your word. Talk to people and listen to your elders--they've been through a lot, maybe they can help direct you and inspire you. So, in either blessings or in waiting...be at peace and know God's hand on your life is mightier than you think. Pray about everything! He is our God and will not let you fall. Well, I've got a lot of work ahead of me. Pray for me! God bless you! <3 love, C

"Nothing is won by force. I choose to be gentle. If I raise my voice may it be only in praise. If I clench my fist, may it be only in prayer. If I make a demand, may it be only of myself." -Max Lucado

A seed doesn't end with being a tree.

When you gained a victory, do not dwell on it for too long--otherwise, you may be trapped with how good you WERE and never discover how great you can be. Your life doesn't end with only one success, or even several. You will have plenty of victories, but do not stop there. Today I am a seed--but one day, I will be a tree that will produce fruit, which in turn will carry many seeds...so while I might see myself as a seed...God has created IN ME, a mighty forest!

It is my CHOICE to have a forest mentality regarding my life. Although I feel buried, I know I'm actually being planted. I am experiencing difficult and painful growing pains. Growth in my spirituality and in my life. I am learning to be disciplined and killing off my old thinking.

At first I didn't understand why I am being attacked so heavily...but now that I see the potential God has put in me. (James 1:1-18 NIV)



GROW with every appropriate season...do not deny discipline. Look at yourself the way God sees you. You may be the mother or father of great forests...please do not give up on you. God finished you before you were born. He's seen your end, but it comes with checkpoints. Reach all of your victories, but pass them quickly. Keep going.

Do not quit. Remember, even seeds have to break when growth is happening. -C